


Deserving

by servatia83



Series: Wipe the Miles Away [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Hug scene, M/M, Post-Ragnarok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-01-31 03:38:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12673629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servatia83/pseuds/servatia83
Summary: Another The Hug Scene fic.





	1. Heir of a Dying Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _((I know this isn’t what’s going to happen, but my head went there. I can always indulge myself, right? Also, up until this movie I didn’t ship this. It didn’t even occur to me. But then there was that hug scene, and a fuse blew in my head. Now I’m ruined._  
>  Overall title comes from the song with the same name by Serj Tankian. The song even spawned the story, since this came to me listening to it the day after I watched Thor 3 _. Chapter heading is a Lacuna Coil song.))_

Travelling through space on what was, in fact, an enormous commandeered vessel sounded more fun than it was. Add to that the doubts how to feed so many refugees and where to resettle them. Loki’s half-hearted suggestion of Vanaheim was met with a mere shake of Thor’s head. They’d take them to earth. Thor liked the idea. Loki, for a million reasons, didn’t, and Thor couldn’t find it in himself to blame him.

The God of Mischief had been astoundingly quiet. After he had first made his presence known, Thor had failed to do as he had said. He hadn’t, in fact, hugged his brother. Instead, he’d stared at him until Loki had snorted, rolled his eyes and walked from the room. Since that, they hadn’t had the chance to talk without other people listening. Loki was going to leave. That much was clear from his behaviour, from the way he avoided Thor. He wasn’t going to settle on earth. Human memory was short, Thor knew, and they wouldn’t send a host of murderers doomed to fail. The Avengers … they wouldn’t be delighted, to say the least, but even they wouldn’t attack him if he didn’t give them cause. And somehow, Thor was very sure that he wasn’t going to.

It was only a matter of time before he lost his brother. Before he truly would never see him again. Not for the first time since the destruction of Asgard, Thor thought of something his mother had once said to him, an eternity ago, when he had been a frustrated adolescent. _There is something you don’t know. I can’t tell you, but once the truth finds you, a whole new world will open before you._

‘Here I thought you only lost an eye, but apparently your hearing has suffered severely, too.’ Thor jumped and turned. Loki stood in the doorway with a highly disapproving expression. He clicked his tongue. ‘Someone might try to assassinate you. People sometimes do that to kings. You want to be more attentive, brother.’

‘I never wanted to be your brother.’ Thor had no idea where that statement came from, and he only realised how horrible that sounded all by itself when Loki’s face went from disapproving to stone-cold. ‘That came out wrong.’

‘You made yourself abundantly clear on Sakaar. I wanted to tell you that when we dock to pick up supplies, I will leave the ship.’

‘That’s in an hour!’ Even Thor heard the shock in his voice, but Loki didn’t. Either that or he ignored it. Or worse, mistook it for relief. ‘Don’t do this.’

Loki shook his head. ‘This is no place for me. You’re their king, and I am the one who always stood in your way. Well, I won’t keep doing it.’

‘I don’t want you gone, Loki. If you really need to leave, I’m not going to stop you, but … take more time to consider this. I thought our diverging paths might finally meet again. Was I that wrong?’

Loki looked at his hands. ‘I don’t see why you’d want me here.’

‘Because I need someone who can say no to me.’

The other man’s mouth fell open. ‘What?’

‘You heard me. I need someone who doesn’t agree because he thinks he’s got to.’

Loki laughed. ‘Then I should do just that: Say no to you and go.’ He swore under his breath. ‘Fine. I’ll stay until we get to earth. Then I’ll vanish. I won’t watch you hunt down Jane and pathetically whine at her until she takes you back.’

‘I won’t do that.’

‘Maybe she will, then. Humans get like that. At any rate, I refuse to witness it. So, my king, is there anything you need?’

Thor looked at him. Again, his mother’s voice echoed in his head. _I can also assure you that there is one thing your brother shies from, even though he needs it. Ah, child. I cannot tell you more than this. But the future hold so many possibilities. Never banish your dreams. Never._ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I need you to stay here a bit and talk to me. Can you do that?’

‘What in all the world would you want to talk about with me, brother?’

‘Stop calling me that, I hate it.’

Loki’s face was a rigid mask. ‘You know what? Talk to someone you actually like. Banner comes to mind. At the moment, he’s less likely to hurt you than I am if I stay in your presence for one more minute. Even in his current state.’ Loki all but fled, leaving Thor feeling more drained than he had been immediately after the battle.


	2. Follow Your Heart Till it Bleeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _((Chapter heading taken from_ End of the Dream _by Evanescence.))_

Later, Thor would never be able to say what made him go after Loki to his quarters. Maybe it was guilt, maybe instinct, maybe it was whatever he had inherited from his mother that told him that he had to go whether he wanted to or not because Loki needed him. It also told him to enter when his knock was unanswered. The door was locked, but he overrode it with a command. And he froze in shock.

Loki had apparently planned to go to sleep, he’d dressed down to his briefs. But he hadn’t made it to the bed. Instead, he’d crumbled to the floor, his fall cushioned by a soft rug at least. The spell that hid what he was kept itself up at night, Thor knew, but now it had fallen away, revealing the blue skin of a jotun. For a frost giant, he looked infinitely small and vulnerable, even though he was less than an inch shorter than Thor. Thor closed the door quickly and locked it to his voice only. He knelt beside Loki, and for a few moments he was afraid to touch him, afraid to feel no life in his form. Then he saw his chest rise and fall and relief so powerful it almost brought tears to his eyes flooded him. He couldn’t lose him, not again, not now, not ever. Forcing his hand to be steady, he brushed his fingers over his temple. He was cool but not as cold as one would expect a frost giant to be. Gently, he picked up the unconscious figure and placed him on the bed and under the covers. With a sigh, he settled in a chair. He wasn’t about to leave the room until Loki could maintain his magic again. If ever his secret came out, it wasn’t going to be Thor’s fault.

Loki stirred about three hours later. They must have their supplies already, since they had continued their journey. The green eyes opened, their colour even more pronounced in this form against the stark red of his sclerae. A groan escaped him and he moved a hand up, maybe to rub it over his face. He never finished the motion. Instead, he froze and stared at the limb as if it were a traitor, his mouth thinning. After a moment, he let it fall, still blue. He was obviously unaware of Thor’s presence.

The God of Thunder cleared his throat and Loki jumped. ‘What do you think you are doing here? This is my room. Get lost.’

Thor decided to simply ignore that. ‘It’s pretty warm in here, considering. You know.’

The disbelieving look Loki gave him was priceless. ‘Since we grew up together, you might be aware that we hardly froze at home. It was always warm. The cold doesn’t harm me, but I’m not used to it, and I don’t like it, either. Now shoo. Or is it impossible to have privacy during one’s spell of unconsciousness?’

‘Loki, you were lying on the floor. You can’t uphold a spell you’ve been using all your life. Something is clearly wrong with you, and I’m not leaving until I know what.’

‘I didn’t use it all my life, oaf, or I would hardly have been surprised to find out what I am. Father put a spell on me when he found me, and a bit after his death it faltered. I’ve been doing it since then, and I have to maintain it, other than him, it seems. But don’t worry, it won’t interfere with your plans.’

‘Loki. I don’t give a damn about plans. I’m worried.’

‘It’s nothing. I just overdid it a bit during the battle and trying to, you know, survive, and I didn’t rest properly after. I need to recharge. That’ll take a little time, but I’m going to be fine. And I’ll be better once I’m on my own.’

‘You really can’t wait to get rid of me.’

‘I’m not the one who can’t stop saying how horrible my last remaining bit of family is. Ah. My bad. I’m not your family. Sorry, I keep forgetting how much you hate the thought.’

‘Now hold it right there. I never said I don’t want you to be my family. Just … not my brother.’

Loki made a dismissive gesture. ‘Have you looked your fill, Thor? Enough to cement the fact that all I’ll ever be to you is a threat? A monster?’

‘You’re not a threat or a monster, Loki.’

‘Need I remind you …’

‘Aw, shut up already. If you’d ever wanted to kill me, you could have done it. Easily. As for that snake thing, I trusted you completely when we were young, even after that. You could have murdered me any time and make it look like an accident. But you didn’t. That can only mean that you never truly wanted me gone.’ He smiled. ‘Also, proceeding to heal me with shaking hands and muttering, “Don’t die, don’t die” kind of gave away that you never wanted to hurt me in the first place. I do remember that part, too.’

Loki opened his mouth and closed it. ‘You’re right.’

‘What, you give up that easily?’

‘I’m tired, Thor. Just tired.’

‘So while you’re being all honest, what is stopping you from recovering? It must be something.’

Loki’s lips twitched. ‘Why didn’t you just rifle through the place? You would have found it. Since I can’t even disguise myself, I doubt that illusion’s still up.’

‘I won’t go and hunt down your secret. But I hope you’ll share it with me.’

‘Just open the desk drawer.’

‘Loki.’

‘Do it. Or do you think this is me trying to kill you after all?’

With an ominous feeling, Thor did as he was asked. Briefly. Then he slammed it shut and stared at Loki. ‘You took the Tesseract. And you’re keeping it in an unlocked drawer.’

‘Yeah, you wouldn’t normally see it. You’d see a very unappealing bit of stationary.’

‘And what are you planning to do with it?’

‘I have no idea. My first thought – I’ll admit that – was to give it to Thanos to make sure he’ll leave me alone. But there’s a good chance he’ll kill me anyway, and all the rest of you, too. So I wondered if I should tell you, if only because I realised that keeping it under any illusion is extremely difficult. Also it’s messing with me, I think.’

‘This isn’t the place …’

‘Maybe that’s the best place. Because no-one will look for it there.’

‘Fine. Are you still trying to get that illusion back up?’

‘No. I’m trying to recover my strength.’

‘Good.’ Thor sat again, watching Loki closely. ‘For a moment, I thought you were dead.’ Unable to help himself, Thor reached out and caressed Loki’s cheek with his knuckles. ‘I’ll leave you alone, but I’ll lock the door to my command, just to be sure no-one manages to get in here. Tell me when you want to get out. And take care of yourself.’

Ϡ

When Loki woke up again, it was darkest night. It cost him only a split second to return himself to his usual appearance. He tried to make sense of Thor’s concern and failed. He should have been appalled by what he’d seen. He’d known already, sure, but seeing was something else. Instead, he’d been nothing but protective. Even the fact that Loki had the Tesseract hadn’t made him angry. It was … strange. _You could be more_ , Thor had said. Loki got up and opened the drawer. Thor hadn’t taken the Tesseract away. Well. They were both locked in. Bitterness filled Loki, something so very familiar. He walked to the intercom panel on the wall. ‘You can release me,’ he said into Thor’s room’s channel without preamble. He expected some evasive answer, but instead, there was only a brief buzz and the door opened. Loki could grab the Tesseract and vanish. He would be able to do it, and Thor knew that.

Like in a trance, Loki followed the corridor to Thor’s room. He had his hands clasped behind his back and made sure no-one saw him. The door slid open on his approach. ‘Reckless,’ he said.

Thor was awake and at his desk, his good eye dark with weariness. ‘What?’

‘Not locking behind you.’

‘It was locked. It only opens like that to a select few.’

‘You’re really making an effort to show you believe in me. Astounding, after what you said to me.’

‘Necessary after what I said to you, since I can’t unsay it.’

‘I’ve got something for you.’ Loki brought his hands to the front, offering the Tesseract to the man who wouldn’t be his brother. ‘I don’t care what you do with it, but I just want to get out of this mess and hide.’

‘Thanos will hunt you. You’re safest here. We’re not going to let him hurt you.’

‘You really think you can protect me?’

‘I will do all I can.’

‘Thank you. Now take that damn thing and hide it. Don’t tell me where.’

‘Can’t do that last. I’ll tell you. Someone else needs to know, in case something happens to me.’

‘Fine.’

‘Loki, stay a bit. I’d like to talk about our mother.’

‘ _Your_ mother, Thor. You don’t want to be my brother, remember?’

‘Frigga was your mother in all the ways that count, Loki. She taught you so well. I wish she could see you right now. She’d be so proud of you. And she’d tell me that she told me so. She never stopped believing in you, you know.’

‘You’re serious, aren’t you?’

‘I once told her … a very long time ago, that I admired you so much. I told you that, too, that I looked up to you. But I didn’t tell you all of it. I admired your determination, that you didn’t let anything stop you from getting what you want, even if it’s not yours to take. And she told me … she told me I was wrong. There was one thing you wouldn’t dare and that she couldn’t tell me what. And that there was a secret, but once that one got out, a whole new world would open up to me. I never told her what was plaguing me, but I think she knew.’

‘Vague much?’

‘Loki, have you ever loved someone? And I don’t mean mother. I mean … differently.’

Loki blinked. ‘You do miss Jane that much, don’t you?’

‘Don’t answer, then.’

‘I … yes. I have fallen in love once, Thor. And I don’t recommend it to anyone. It’s a bad idea.’

‘Maybe.’ Thor looked at him with an intensity that was painful. ‘The first time I felt like this, I was so very young. And I hated it. It seemed so wrong. I wished I had your devil-may-care attitude because it would help me go through with it. Then mother told me this and I never thought she knew what it was about. Now, though … did she know, Loki? It makes so much sense.’

‘Yes. Mother always made sense. Unlike you. You’re babbling.’

Thor chuckled. It should be infuriating, but apparently, Loki was past fury for the other man. ‘Ah, brother. Did you really want to be my brother? I wanted something very different.’

‘You wanted to fuck me, is that it?’

Thor flinched, the laughter gone from his face. Loki wished he’d remained silent. At least, Thor didn’t kick him out but approached until he was within an arm’s reach. ‘I … yes. But that was hardly what was vexing me. I wanted … I wanted to be with you, Loki. I didn’t want to be above you, I wanted you to be my equal. My partner.’

Loki swallowed. ‘I’m dead. I thought I’d passed out, but I’m actually dead. You can’t possibly be saying what I think you’re saying.’

‘Why not?’

Loki raised his arms. ‘You thought Surtur killed me, and you didn’t even find it in you to hug me when you realised I was really there. It makes no se…’ Powerful arms had reached out and pulled him in, crushing him to Thor’s chest. Loki’s fingers dug into Thor’s arms, more to stabilise himself than anything else, but the other man apparently took it as a rejection and released him. Loki wasn’t about to let that happen. ‘Is that all? Two seconds of touch are all I’m getting?’ He sounded breathless even to himself. ‘You got it right, Thor. I always wanted to be as close to you as possible. I thought something was very wrong with me. You know. Wanting my own brother like that.’

‘Wanting. All you do is want me, then?’

‘Why? Did you hope that you were the one I loved?’ Thor didn’t play along, so that could only mean he was genuinely hurt. That … wasn’t what Loki had wanted. A smile tugged at his lips and he nudged Thor. ‘Because you were.’

‘Loki … can we please not play games anymore?’

‘I won’t change, Thor. If you truly love me, you won’t try to make me.’

‘No. I don’t want to rule beside a sycophant. But I need you to promise me not to try to undermine me.’

‘Will you believe me, if I make a promise?’

‘Yes.’

‘Very well.’ Loki placed his hands on Thor’s face. ‘I promise you to be on and at your side. I promise you to tell you if you make a mistake. I promise you to protect you in any way that I can. And I need you to promise me to listen to me, too. Not do as I say, not necessarily, but listen.’

Thor covered his hands with his own. ‘You have my word.’

‘I can’t promise you to stop being me.’

‘I wouldn’t want that. Someone needs to keep me on my toes.’

Loki leaned up and pressed his lips to Thor’s. ‘I can do that.’

‘Loki … stay here.’

‘And watch you brood over some boring papers? Thanks.’

‘Truth now? I couldn’t sleep. Kept thinking about you in that room all in blue.’

‘Yeah, about that. Why didn’t that at least manage to put you off?’

‘Why would something so beautiful put me off?’ Loki felt himself flush before Thor kissed him again. ‘How much does it cost you to keep your true form hidden?’

‘Extremely little.’

‘You don’t need to hide from me. You’re always beautiful. This way and without the illusion.’

‘The funny thing is, the other form … it doesn’t feel like me. I’ve looked like a normal Asgardian all my life, this shape, this pale, gangly body, this is me. So I’ll stick with this one.’ He let Thor steer him to the bed and sat down on its edge. He watched Thor strip down to his underwear, and after a moment of hesitation, he followed suit. When Thor removed the patch over his eye socket, it startled him. ‘That isn’t really healing, is it?’

Thor made a face. ‘Slowly.’

‘Well, it was an unusual injury inflicted by an unusual foe. Now lie down.’ He waited patiently until Thor had settled under the sheets. ‘Do you trust me, Thor? Really trust me?’

‘Absolutely.’

Loki covered the injury with his hand and let his magic flow, helping the skin to knit. ‘I can’t do more than this, I’m afraid. I wish I could give you your eye back. It’s a shame losing something so beautiful.’ He pulled his hand away and settled beside Thor, cuddling close to his warmth. It felt unreal, and Loki wasn’t sure if he believed it was really happening. Maybe he would wake up alone on the floor. He listened to Thor’s breathing become quiet and deep. He was certain that he was asleep when he uttered his admission. ‘I want to be more.’ Thor didn’t answer, but maybe the small smile on his face became a little more pronounced.


	3. Reeling From My Instincts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _((This chapter heading is a line from the song_ End of Time _by Lacuna Coil. This chapter whacked me over the head, threw me over its shoulder, and ran away with me.))_

‘Loki. Loki?’

Something touched his chest, and Loki positively jumped upright, suddenly on high alert. For a moment, the unfamiliar room added to his distress, then he registered Thor before him, Thor’s hands on his bare arms, Thor’s eye full of concern. ‘If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were having a nightmare.’

‘Don’t ask.’ Loki wiped a hand over his face. ‘Thanks for waking me.’

‘I was going to anyway. It’s almost noon, but I was reluctant to disturb you. You seemed to need it.’

Absently, he nodded. ‘Your eye looks better. If it’s still hurting, I may be able to help a bit more now.’

Thor’s smile was so genuine, Loki almost couldn’t stop himself from running a thumb over his lips. ‘Thanks, I’m good.’

‘I’m still a bit flustered by that dream, you know. I could use another hug.’

Thor either missed the amusement in his tone, or he played along. Whichever it was, he sat beside Loki and pulled him close. ‘Better?’

‘Better.’

‘You said don’t ask, but I’ve got to. What the hell did you dream?’

Loki swallowed. ‘That Thanos killed you.’ He pulled away a bit and cupped Thor’s face. ‘Make sure that doesn’t happen, would you?’

Thor didn’t answer. Instead he leaned closer and pressed his lips to Loki’s.

He had, in his youth especially, wondered what it would be like. Somehow, in his head, it had never been anything close to gentle, him and Thor together. But for all his I-am-the-God-of-Thunder-routine, his lips were touching his in a caress that was … well, certainly not brotherly, but wonderfully tender. He pulled away far too soon. ‘Stop thinking for a minute and kiss me back already,’ Thor said.

Lips twitching into a smile he knew outraged Thor, he did him one better. He brought his hands to Thor’s neck and kissed him with all the fire he had. His fingers grappled at the short hair on Thor’s head. He only ended the kiss when he was starting to feel lightheaded with lack of air. ‘Tell me you’ll let your hair grow out.’

‘I was planning to.’ Thor smiled at him, their noses almost touching. ‘Why? You want to do this?’ Strong fingers tangled in Loki’s hair, tugging gently, pulling his head back to expose his throat. Soft lips kissed the sensitive flesh there, trailing down to his collarbone. The only answer Loki managed was a soft groan. If Thor had meant to wake him up for any other purpose, it would have to wait. It had taken so long for him to feel his brother this way, and now he wouldn’t let him interrupt this before they’d both had a real taste of what that would be like. ‘So,’ Thor breathed against his skin. ‘How do you want this, Loki? Preferences?’

‘Yeah. One. You.’ He let himself be pressed into the mattress. He was usually quick to take charge in a tryst, but he couldn’t muster up the strength. Maybe because he was still so drained from all that had happened. Maybe because this was the first time he actually trusted the one he was with. His eyes closed, he let Thor explore him with fingers and tongue, moving slowly but steadily downwards until he reached his pants. He sensed Thor’s hesitation and opened one eye. ‘Cockshy?’

Thor faltered. ‘Is that even a word?’

‘Yes. Yes, it’s a word. You find it in any good dictionary right after get-on-with-it.’ Thor grinned in a manner that made his eyes go wide. ‘I know mischief when I see it, Thor. I’m officially worried.’ The other man didn’t answer. Instead, he nibbled at Loki through his briefs, giving him less than what he wanted but enough to drive him half crazy. Loki watched him, mesmerised, watched a moist patch of mixed saliva and precum grow on the fabric. He tried to get some friction, but Thor held his hips down and all Loki could do was to close his eyes and let himself fall.

‘Finally,’ Thor said and came back up to kiss him, covering him with his warm body. ‘Hi, Loki. You’re a sight to behold.’ For a moment, Loki worried that his illusion had failed, but he hadn’t turned blue when he opened his eyes. ‘You don’t have to guard yourself. Not with me. Can you stop thinking now?’

‘Is that how you want to get me to be your equal? By turning me into an instinct driven animal like yourself?’ Somehow, he didn’t sound derisive. And somehow, he was glad about that.

Thor rolled off him, and Loki missed the heat he radiated. But then the God of Thunder was pulling off Loki’s last bit of clothing. At some point before he must have shed his briefs because he was presented to Loki in all his glory, and oh, was he beautiful. He reached out and closed his hand around his shaft. He was barely able to do so. ‘Oh, you’re thick,’ he said.

‘Think you can take me?’ Thor’s tone and expression suggested that this was a serious question rather than swagger.

‘Only one way to find out.’ Loki shifted to a better position on the bed and let his legs fall apart.

‘Ah … I need to find some sort of lubricant.’

‘No. No, you really don’t. What do you think I learned magic for?’

‘I am really trying not to imagine mother teaching you _that_.’

‘Fool. Come on, Thor, I’m going mad here. I’m not made of glass and I’m not a virgin. I can take you. Give it.’

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘Now who’s overthinking it? Get here.’ He sat up. ‘On second thought …’ He pushed Thor on his bed with enough vehemence to surprise him. ‘If you won’t, I will.’ He straddled him, hands on his chest and a grin on his face, and placed Thor’s cock at his entrance. Without hesitation, he pushed down, slowly but constantly. ‘I’ve got a bit more control over my body than some tiny human girl, Thor. You won’t hurt me.’

Thor’s answer was a groan and his hands settling on Loki’s thighs. ‘Slow down, I want to last a bit longer than three seconds.’

Loki’s wild grin turned into something softer and he bent down to kiss Thor. He felt his strong arms coming around him, holding him close. ‘I’ll admit it: This is better.’

‘Much.’ Thor’s eye closed when Loki set a slow rhythm. He pressed his face in the crook of his partner’s neck and inhaled deeply, convincing himself that he wasn’t having an elaborate dream. Thor was moaning underneath him with every rocking motion, restricting Loki’s mobility on top of him with his arms hugging him tightly. ‘Better than I thought.’

Loki brought his lips to Thor’s ear. ‘What did you think, then? That I’d be selfish? Brutal?’

Thor released his tight hold on him and pushed him far enough away to be able to take his face into his hands. ‘Distant. I thought you’d be distant, Loki. Because I didn’t think you’d let yourself feel anything positive. I’m glad I was wrong.’

‘How d’you know?’

‘You should see your face, then you’d know.’ Thor cupped Loki’s butt and encouraged his movements, groaning and undulating beneath him. ‘Trade places with me?’

Loki was half reluctant to agree. The feeling of Thor filling him was intensely beautiful and he wasn’t sure he’d had enough quite yet. But he did want to know what being inside him would feel like, and he also, apparently, couldn’t deny him anything. With a sigh, Loki slid off him and pushed his legs open. ‘Got lube in here?’

‘Yes, I had nothing else in mind when we were running from Surtur.’

‘Good! Where? Hey, don’t hit me!’

Thor grinned at him. ‘In your mouth?’

‘Not sufficient. Ah, well, I’ll have to take care of everything, as usual.’

‘Top ten sentences I’d rather not hear from you.’

‘Shut up.’ With a blink, he was in the kitchen. The few people in here were oblivious to his presence, unable to see the naked man who had suddenly appeared in their midst. When he found what he looked for, he returned. Only moments had passed.

‘Did you just scare everyone in the galley?’

‘Scare them? I would have blinded them with my magnificence, if anything. More importantly, I have this. Not ideal, but better than spit.’ Loki climbed the bed, and Thor laughed.

‘You move like a cat. A particularly lascivious cat.’

‘Thor. Shut up.’ Loki poured some oil into his hand and began massaging Thor’s hole. That, at last, wiped the laughter from his face. ‘You’re better at relaxing than I thought. You really have done this before, haven’t you?’

‘I’ve done a lot of things before, Loki. I got drunk, I picked fights, and I had sex. All that without you.’

Loki looked up from his work for a moment. ‘You say that as if they’re supposed to be done in that order.’

‘Not always. The better the company, the more unnecessary the first two are.’

There was a question burning in the back of Loki’s head, but he wasn’t going to ask it.

Thor clicked his tongue. ‘Come on, say it.’

‘What?’ Loki pushed inside with two fingers now, deep enough to brush over the little bump inside him. Thor gasped and closed his eye. ‘You were saying something?’

Thor remained silent until Loki had three fingers inside him that were sliding in and out of him easily. Then he captured his hand. ‘This’ll do. And I want to know what you were thinking before. I can’t read your mind, but I can read your face, and I want you to bloody open up to me.’

Loki leaned over him, brushing their lips together. ‘It was of absolutely no consequence.’

‘Spill.’

‘I’m going to. Right inside you.’

‘Talk, Loki. Please.’

It was that last that did it. ‘Jane. I wondered which of the first two steps you needed for Jane.’

‘You can’t possibly be jealous.’

‘I’m not. Not anymore.’ He had been. Fiercely. It was a miracle that Thor hadn’t caught that.

‘I did kind of get in a fight.’

‘Thor.’

‘Huh?’

‘I told you to shut up before.’ Loki covered his mouth with his hand for good measure. Thor’s eyes crinkled at the corners with mirth, and he couldn’t help smiling back. ‘I hate you.’

Thor pushed his wet tongue against Loki’s palm, startling him enough to remove it. ‘Liar,’ he said.

Loki wiped his hand on Thor’s chest, eliciting another chuckle. With a forced serious expression, Loki aligned himself. ‘Ready?’

‘More than.’

He was cautious when he slipped inside. Too cautious. Thor grabbed his butt and pulled him close with one quick motion. Loki groaned and squeezed his eyes shut trying not to come undone at once. ‘I hate you,’ he said again.

‘I love you, Loki.’

And just like that, all the problems he’d carried with him fell away. It had all lingered at the back of his head, the fighting between them, the rivalry that had seemed so unsurmountable, all they had done and said to each other in anger. Loki had his eyes fixed on Thor’s face as he … well, made love to him, there was no better word in any other language. A thumb brushed over his face, right under his eyes, catching tears he hadn’t even noticed. ‘Hi, Loki,’ Thor said again. ‘Is that you now? The real you without the armour?’

Loki nodded. ‘Yeah. This is me.’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘I’ll show you what you get for bringing me to tears.’ He pushed Thor’s legs back, opening him up further, and set a pace that he knew would end him soon. Thor, too, by the sounds he made and by the way his balls were taut against his body. Loki released one leg and grabbed Thor’s cock instead, pumping him in time with his eager thrusts. ‘Are you good?’

‘Never better. Yes, right there.’ Thor’s remaining eye was staring at him, as if he couldn’t look away. Sweat was running down from his forehead over his temples, his hair wet already. Loki wasn’t any more composed than him, dark hair falling beside his face, curling at the ends in the humidity of their coupling. Every muscle in Thor’s body was tense, a tremor starting in his legs as he tried to hold out longer. Loki crashed his mouth against Thor’s, his tongue plundering him, his pace unrelenting and his thrusts deep and intense. Thor’s moans became louder, loud enough to be heard outside, but he didn’t care, couldn’t care. Instead, he interrupted their kiss. And he got what he hoped he would. Thor came, shouting his name, hands digging into his hips, shuddering, shaking, _squeezing_ , and Loki buried his head in his neck and followed with something that was almost a wail.

It took a while before Loki managed to start thinking again. Through the haze in his head, something started to pinch his mind, some sound, insistent and annoying. ‘What in the name …’

‘Communication.’

‘Don’t you want to get it?’

‘You’re still on me. And in me.’

‘Want me to let you go?’

‘Not particularly. It’ll be recorded and I like having you here like that.’

There was a beep, then a soft voice spoke. ‘Thor? Thor … it sounds as if you’re fighting. Do you need assistance?’

Loki closed his eyes. ‘I hate that piece of rock.’

‘I hope you don’t hate him the way you hate me.’

Loki offered a rueful smile and a whack on his upper arm as he pulled out of him. ‘No. I don’t hate anyone quite like you.’

‘You still can’t say it, huh? You don’t have to. I know anyway.’

‘Thor? Please answer. We are wondering how to open that door. If you could help us …’

Loki pointed at the door. ‘He isn’t going to go away, is he?’

‘Nope.’

‘Get rid of him.’

Chuckling, Thor stood and walked to the com-panel. Mesmerised, Loki watched the trail of his semen trickle down between Thor’s legs. ‘Korg … There’s no fighting, I’m good. Get lost. Night.’

‘It’s not night, it’s past …’

‘Korg! I’m turning this off now. We’ll talk later. Much later.’ He didn’t wait for an answer but turned the device off. He returned to Loki who still stood beside his bed, probably looking as lost as he felt. Thor pulled him close, and he let himself be embraced. ‘Even if you can’t say it, I’ll just assume that you’ll stay. With me.’

Loki rested his chin on Thor’s shoulder and smiled. ‘At this point, you’d have to throw me out of an airlock to get rid of me.’

‘Not happening.’

‘In that case, welcome to our future, brother.’

‘Loki …’

He squeezed the man in his arms. ‘It’s a good thing that we’re not related, Thor, but to me that word never meant do-not-touch. It means belonging together. It means our paths and fates being entwined forever. It means knowing each other better than ourselves. It means … yes, Thor, it means loving each other. Just not in such a restricted way as it usually means.’

‘Loki?’

‘What?’ He looked at his brother, at the mirth on his face. Then strong hands cupped his butt and a small jolt of electricity went through him as his cheeks were squeezed. ‘Did you just God-of-Thunder me? On purpose?’

‘Mhm.’

He looked down between them, seeing Thor half hard. ‘Again?’

‘Mhm.’

‘Because I said …’

‘Mhm.’

‘I’ll have to be more careful.’

Grinning now, Thor steered him to the bed until his knees hit the edge and he sat. ‘Mhm.’

‘We’re not going to leave the room any time soon, are we?’

‘M-m.’ Thor pushed his shoulders, and Loki let himself fall back on the mattress.

Loki’s eyes narrowed while Thor crawled over him, but he did open his legs to welcome his brother. ‘This is because I told you to shut up.’

Whatever it had been, Thor’s ability to keep up his game shattered and he laughed, again, infecting Loki with it. They were both still half laughing when Thor entered him again. And for the first time in too long, Loki truly believed that all would end well.

 

 


	4. Kiss the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _((First: Yes, I had flagged this as complete, but then this happened and apparently I needed to get it out of my system before being able to use my brain again. Because this thing wasn’t sappy enough already._  
>  Second: Yes, now it’s really complete. If anything else ever should come (which I am not planning and the only reason why I’m saying this is that I have no idea what Infinity War _is going to do to me and I have the animal fear that they’re going to kill Loki and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that), it’ll be a separate thing. This is done. Over. Out. For reals. (The linguist in me is threatening violence right now.)_  
>  Third: Chapter heading is a song by Deine Lakaien.  
> Fourth: I went back and edited the dialogue a bit. There was something I missed completely. Thanks again to gingerdoe for pointing it out to me!))

Loki was trying to get his breathing under control, each exhalation deliberate through slightly open lips. He was sitting in Thor’s bed, spine rigid, elbows rammed on his knees, face buried in his hands as if he could hide from the world, or better yet, vanish into the ground.

‘Loki. Look at me.’ Thor’s warm hands were on the back of his neck, their touch infinitely gentle. Even though it helped, Loki shook his head, and Thor sighed. ‘I’m not upset. Not at all. You know, if anything, it’s a compliment.’

At this, Loki did look at him. ‘A compliment,’ he echoed. ‘It might be a compliment if I couldn’t contain my arousal and came all over your hand at the first touch. This … this is a catastrophe. It means that I have no idea how much control I actually have, it means that at any given moment, if my concentration shifts …’ He faltered. ‘How did he do it? How could the Allfather do this without any incident?’

Thor’s answer was quiet and irritatingly patient. ‘He was very much older and a lot more powerful than either of us, Loki. And as a matter of fact, we don’t know if he never slipped at the start. I was too young to remember, and when you were so little you were hardly around anyone that wasn’t family. So maybe he needed time for it to become second nature to him, too.’

‘You know that’s not true.’

‘I haven’t the faintest idea if it’s true, Loki. Lie back down. Come on.’

Loki remained as he was. ‘You laughed at me.’

‘I didn’t laugh at you. I laughed because … you didn’t even notice it at first. Hell, I didn’t even notice it, and when I open my eye, I’m making love to a jotun. An oblivious one, at that. It makes no difference to me. I told you that before and it’s still true.’

‘Thor, we’ve been lovers for a bit now, and this never happened before. What if it had been earlier, during your coronation?’

‘You were a bit less … distracted there.’ Thor rubbed a hand over his face. ‘I don’t really want to talk about the coronation.’

Loki finally lay down again on his side, head propped up. ‘Why not? You should be thrilled.’

‘I don’t know if I’m ready. There is so much to consider.’

Loki dug a thumb into Thor’s shoulder. ‘You’re ready, Thor. Believe me.’

Thor smiled and caressed his cheek. ‘Thank you. You’ll have to help me with a lot of stuff. I mean, right now we’re going to Midgard and take it from there, but in the next, I don’t know, couple of centuries … I’ll have to do several things that I cannot fathom how. Like how to come by a successor.’

Loki sat bolt upright again. ‘I hadn’t thought about that.’

‘Me neither, until now.’

‘Well.’ Loki swallowed hard. ‘I didn’t think that reality would make this bubble of mine burst so quickly.’

‘What?’

Fighting for his composure, Loki stood and wrapped himself into a robe. ‘Well. What you need, obviously, is a wife. I’m not going to watch you …’ He closed his eyes with a pained expression and shuddered. ‘I just can’t pretend this isn’t going to happen. I’m sorry, Thor. I’m done.’ He felt his brother’s gaze on his back as he left. Only twelve steps until his room. Twelve steps and he could dare to breathe again. Twelve steps and he could allow himself to fall apart without anyone ever seeing him do it.

Ϡ

Thor had watched Loki’s departure with hurt bewilderment. He’d had something else to say, but he’d never got the chance to do so. And given Loki’s volatile nature, there was a chance that he wasn’t going to see him again in the foreseeable future. ‘Wrong order,’ he muttered to himself.

Torn, Thor dressed slowly and started pacing. Any thought of sleep had been chased away. He tried to communicate directly with Loki’s room, but he got no answer. Now he could, of course, barge in there, but that didn’t seem right. Aside from that, Loki could stand right in front of him and he wouldn’t be able to see him if he didn’t want him to.

Feeling an amount of uncertainty, Thor left Loki a message that he needed to talk to him and tried to find sleep. He had no success. He spent the next day going about his business without ever seeing him. It hurt more than he thought. His absence was an open sore in Thor’s heart. Valkyrie sparring with the Hulk and destroying an entire room decorated lavishly by the Grandmaster almost cheered him up, and Thor automatically looked over his shoulder. But Loki was _not_ standing beside him with a smirk and rolling his eyes at their antics, and his temporary flash of humour stuttered to an end. At last, he resolved to go to Loki’s room, but he found it deserted, and if the God of Mischief was there, he ignored his request to show himself. Thor resisted the temptation to look if the Tesseract was where he’d left it. If he lost his faith in Loki over this, all was lost.

All in all, Thor thought he’d kept up his façade very well. The next morning, however, he was shown that it wasn’t all that good when Heimdall approached him. He leaned close. ‘If deep down I wanted to be found but not make it easy, I wouldn’t hide in my room,’ he said in an undertone. ‘As long as I didn’t want to run away, I’d be where I’m useful and where the one I avoid isn’t going to stray.’

Thor stopped him with his hand on his arm. ‘What are you talking about?’

Heimdall gave him a lingering look. ‘You know perfectly well what I mean. You have to work the rest out yourself.’

Thor watched him go, and the next moment it hit him and he was on his feet and all but running through the ship. He had to force himself not to crash into the infirmary. The personnel had asked everyone who wasn’t a healer of some sort to stay clear, because there were too many people in there anyway, but right now, Thor had no choice. He knew Loki had helped out a lot, that he had saved more lives than anyone else. He had to be here.

The healer in charge looked at Thor pointedly and the God of Thunder raised his hands. ‘Sorry. This is important. Do you have any idea where my brother is?’

The woman’s lips twitched in a manner he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with. They hadn’t exactly advertised their relationship because, adopted or not, there was a chance people would frown. Only after his coronation had it occurred to Thor that secrecy wasn’t an option, and that there were probably rumours anyway because Korg had figured them out. ‘He’s with a patient,’ the healer said, ‘but he should come out in a moment. Ah, there he is.’

Thor spun and turned to look in the direction he’d been pointed. Loki had barely made it out of the room before freezing in mid-step. He looked drawn, indicating that he hadn’t had any more sleep than Thor. ‘I would speak with you, brother,’ Thor said.

Loki sneered at him. Funny how that had never hurt before, but now it was excruciatingly painful. ‘What do you require of me, my King?’

‘Not here. Four eyes. Well, three.’

‘Is this an order from my liege?’

‘This is a request from your family, Loki. It doesn’t have to be now, but we do need to talk.’

The mask slipped slightly. He had obviously expected Thor to force him into this talk. That, too, hurt. ‘Fine. It’s not going to take long, anyway.’ Loki brushed past him, out of the infirmary and into the privacy of his room. It was almost empty since Loki had brought all his stuff – such as it was – into Thor’s quarters, and the unadorned walls seemed stifling.

‘Loki, listen.’

‘Should I kneel?’ The venom in Loki’s voice cut more deeply than any actual dagger the other had ever driven into his flesh.

Thor grabbed Loki’s shoulders and held him upright before he could actually kneel before him. ‘I had two things that I wanted to bounce off you and I clearly picked the wrong one to start with. Now I’m going to tell you the other in a moment, the one I didn’t get to, but first … Do you really want it to be like this? Even if this doesn’t take the turn I’m hoping for, don’t do this.’

Loki squeezed his eyes shut. Thor saw his struggle and released him. He knew him so well. He was fighting not to scream at Thor, not because he didn’t want to, but because Loki, in his hurt rage, tended to be tearful. And he didn’t want Thor to see that. ‘What do you want?’ he asked at last through gritted teeth.

‘Can I say the other thing I was going to?’

‘I can’t see a way of stopping you, short of murder.’

Thor walked to the window, arms wrapped around himself. ‘I’d pictured this differently.’

‘Haven’t we all.’

‘Loki, you’re going to regret it if I say it like this.’

‘Like what?’

‘With you spitting bile at me. Trust me. You really, really don’t want it to be like this. I promise you that you’ll like what I have to say, I’m so sure of that, but not if I say it in an fight. That’s just wrong.’

For a few more breaths, Loki kept himself in check. Then his shoulders slumped and he sat down on his bed. Thor approached him slowly, and for the first time, their eyes met. A minute smile pulled at Thor’s lips. ‘Can I sit with you?’

‘It’s your ship. Sure.’

‘Can I please hold you? I’d like to hold you.’

‘Fine.’

Thor put an arm around Loki’s shoulder and pulled him close. He pressed a kiss to the side of his head. ‘I love you. You know that.’

‘I do. It isn’t helping right now.’

‘Do you … Loki, do you love me?’

‘Thor, get to the point.’

‘That is the whole point.’ He changed his position and gently guided Loki’s face until he looked at him again. His eyes were large and green and vulnerable. ‘The other thing I wanted was … and I get why you reacted the way you did, I really do, so I need to tell you that this is still something I want. I was going to … No. I _am_ asking you to marry me, Loki.’

For a few moments, there was no reaction at all. Then Loki went limp in his arm, collapsing them both on the bed with his head on Thor’s chest. ‘You’re serious?’ He vaguely waved an arm. ‘Don’t answer that. Of course you’re serious.’ Placing his chin on Thor’s breastbone, he looked up into his face. ‘How many people, do you think, know I’m not Odin’s son?’

‘All of Asgard, given your horrible play.’

‘You’re assuming here that everyone saw that. But let’s say that this particular bit of information travelled to most of your people, what do you plan on telling them about whose child I am?’

‘I’ll tell _our_ people that it is of no consequence and that he found you and took you in as a baby. But that we … don’t exactly feel brotherly.’

‘Has there ever been an Asgardian King who was married to another man?’

‘No idea. And if not, there’s got to be a first for everything.’

‘So … this isn’t borrowed time, then.’

‘No. No, Loki.’ He carded through the long dark hair in gentle caresses. ‘I want you by my side for the rest of my life.’

‘Or mine, more likely.’

Suddenly, Thor felt cold all over. ‘Loki, what is your life expectancy, exactly? I can’t lose you.’

The other man chuckled. ‘Just about the same as yours, Thor. I just still think Thanos is going to tear me limb from limb.’

Thor embraced him tightly. ‘Not happening.’ Lying here like this, with Loki in his arms again, the two nights without sleep threatened to come back to bite him. ‘What I was going to say, by the way, was that I hope you’ll help me find a suitable heir. Not a wife.’

‘You mean someone to adopt? Bad idea. I speak from experience.’

‘Better ones?’ He closed his eye and settled more comfortably on the mattress.

Loki followed his example, resting his head on his shoulder and throwing an arm over his chest. ‘One as old as infertile queens go back. Find a woman to bear your child.’

Thor made a face. ‘You’d hate me.’

‘No, I’d hate her. But I understand the necessity. Unless …’

When nothing else came, Thor forced his eye to open again. ‘Yes?’

‘Forget it.’

‘Sorry, too late.’

‘It’s a horrible idea. Just as horrible as putting me on the throne.’

‘I would have done just that, if I hadn’t thought you’d died, you know.’

‘Father would never have allowed it.’

‘Not my point. Loki, what else? Any way that doesn’t involve betraying you is welcome here.’

Loki took a deep breath. ‘I can change my shape.’

‘I can call down thunder.’

‘Sometimes you’re so daft I wonder how you remember your own name. I can change into a woman and bear your child. I will have you know, before you get all excited, that I don’t like doing it and I’m not offering doing it for fun. Being in a body that doesn’t physically match my gender is … well, calling it uncomfortable would be an understatement.’

‘You’d have to spend nine months like that.’

‘No, actually. Only long enough for you to impregnate me, and the day I give birth. Maybe a few more just before. I could change back into my normal appearance on the outside, at least, for the rest of the time. I could also hide my pregnancy.’

‘Loki, why do I have the feeling this isn’t the first time you think about this?’

‘Because maybe you’re not that daft after all. Remember how you said to me that you thought mother knew we were secretly in love? I think you’re right. She made a point to have me know what exactly I can do. And I don’t see any other use for this particular bit of information.’

‘Sometimes I wonder if she saw the future.’

‘Since she wasn’t a witch, either, I don’t think so. But she knew us so very well, and she was wise.’ He continued quietly, his voice almost cracking. ‘I wish she’d had that gift. Seeing the future. I think she’d have liked it. Seeing us together.’

Thor nodded and allowed his eye to close again. ‘Do you want this, then? The pregnancy thing.’

‘What I want is moot. But you don’t. Because any child of mine … well, there’s an excellent chance that it might inherit my complexion. And I demonstrated how well hiding behind an illusion works on occasion a few days ago.’

‘And why would that be a problem for me?’

‘Not for you, but for the rest of Asgard.’

‘Has it ever occurred to you to tell them the truth? I mean … let’s face it, they probably figured it out after the whole baby icicle thing.’

Loki swatted at Thor. ‘They figure out what they want to. I even heard them talk about the beauty of the metaphor of a baby abandoned in the cold. Let’s face the facts here, Thor, I’m a runt. You’ve seen frost giants. They’re huge, hence the name. I’m me. My touch doesn’t burn anyone, in case you failed to notice, and that is only one of the many reasons why they didn’t grasp that. Or didn’t want to, I guess. Thing is, they learn this, they’ll throw me out into the void of space.’

‘If anyone dares to breathe a word of disrespect, I’ll gladly remind them that not a single soul on this ship would be alive without you. You saved us all. I bet you no-one gives a damn whose child you are.’

‘I will never show them.’

‘You don’t have to. Maybe one day we can let them know who your father was. And by the time we have a child, which isn’t going to be before this entire Thanos business is all done and we’re safely settled in a place we can call our own, it’ll be impossible to imagine me without you.’

‘Well. We have time to work this out, then.’

‘Yes.’ He could feel his thoughts slowing, the only thing that mattered was the warm body pressed against his.

‘Thor?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Can I … When we’re alone, maybe I should try and get used to … you know. Myself. At least to the point where I don’t lose it completely.’

It took a few moments for Thor to answer. ‘I love you in any colour, Loki. It makes absolutely no difference. Try and love yourself, too. You deserve all the love you can get.’

‘You think that?’

‘Yes. Yes, I think that.’ Thor chuckled. ‘And you shouldn’t hide your pregnancy. Let them watch and marvel at how the hell you managed to pull off that one.’

Loki’s answer was a wistful sigh. ‘Thor … I do love you, by the way. I didn’t think you’d have to ask.’ Loki sounded slightly hurt, and Thor refused to let him fall asleep like that.

A slow smile formed on his face. He turned his head so he could bury his nose in the soft hair on top of Loki’s skull. He smelled of home and magic and Loki. ‘I know you do, don’t doubt that for a moment. I just needed you to remember it.’ Loki relaxed noticeably, fingertips resting above Thor’s collar as if he needed to feel his skin. And finally, Thor let himself drift into a couple of hours of much needed sleep.


End file.
